5 Tips for Mothering Your Spirited and Sensitive Child

My daughter and I were dad-and-older-brother free today and we had great plans. I've been in this parenting game long enough to know not to over-plan the day and to be careful what activities we choose and at what times of the day. On our list today:
~banking-I needed cash. No big deal. The line up is usually non-existent on Saturday
~library-time to load up on new books and audio-books for the week ahead. A trip we both enjoy.
~the mall-a tricky one at the best of the times. Lots of noise and people and bright colours and CHOICES but she desperately needs new shoes. Planned well it might be ok.
So we banged off the first 2 errands without much trouble. We came home for a few minutes to pee and take a break from stimulus and drop off the boatload of new books.
I knew the mall would be a problem and we talked about where we had to go, how long we would be there. I asked how she was feeling and she insisted she could do this so off we went. All went well until she found the perfect shoes ($15 above what I was comfortable spending) and it all went downhill from there. We tried another store, no luck and no agreement. By the time we headed for the 3rd and final store I could see a blow up coming quickly and steered us toward the exit with much anger and gnashing of teeth. When she hurled herself in her room after getting home and I thought over what had just happened I actually began to feel bad. Good old mom guilt rearing it's ugly head. Then I thought "No!"
I had set firm limits with consequences and when she blew through the limits I stuck with the consequences. I didn't lose my cool. I didn't say anything I regretted later. I got her out of the mall before anything really bad happened. I felt pretty proud of how I handled that! Take that Mom-Guilt!
If I may be so bold-here are my 5 tips for mothering your spirited/sensitive child:

1. Know your kid. Know what she can handle, what sets her off and at what time of day. My girl needs a full stomach to handle most things. I know she doesn't do well in a busy mall at the best of times.

2. Plan. Plan. Plan. Save tricky situations for when you'll have the most success. Unless it is absolutely necessary, the mall on a Saturday afternoon is no place for a sensitive kid.

3. Say yes as often as you can. Today she wanted to check out a playground she saw on our way to dropping dad off at work. I could've said no, lets go later. But I knew if I said yes to that request it would burn off some energy and hold me in good stead for the necessary trip to the mall. We did stop and she had a great time.

4. Set limits, have consequences and be willing to follow through on them. Spirited kids need the security of limits and need to know you mean what you say. Don't be a jellyfish-follow through!

5. Love them. Make great efforts to look them in the eye when they speak, do things they like to do, spend time with them and really listen. Spirited kids are such amazing, interesting kids that you don't want to miss what they come up with. They need to know more than the calmer, quieter kids you never have to reprimand that they are loved to the bottom of their toes.