Give up and knit on

There are days in this parenting game that a girl can get lost in all the chaos happening around her.
I always think in the very back of my head that one day I will figure this all out. One day I will get it together. One day I will be organized and one day I will react to every situation thrown at me with poise and calm and wisdom and the children in turn will calmly accept my words of wisdom and decrees and go on with their day. I don't know where this ridiculous idea of perfection comes from but it is my undoing.
I know on the surface that I should focus on the fact that I have the dishwasher loaded, part of the kitchen clean and muffins in the oven for lunches tomorrow. On the surface I should be happy and grateful that my daughter is out for a walk with her Oma-just one on one, getting some exercise. Unfortunately I can only focus on how UN-happy my son is that I couldn't take him on an errand he's been looking forward to all week because Oma dropped by and it's now too late to go out. Have I mentioned the joys of Asperger inflexibility in this space??? Sigh.

The only thing a girl can do at times like these is throw up her hands and knit on.
Knitting will bring on the zen I need right now.
They say knitting is the new yoga...you may have heard that one before...and I swear it is.
So I say give up on the perfect mothering crap and KNIT ON ZEN MOTHER. If I had a mantra that would be it.

Gratitude Sunday-weeding, knitting and what-not

Joining Taryn today at Wooly Moss Roots Blog:

I finally got the last 2 rows of my garden weeded and mulched. Now (hopefully) I can just concentrate on weeding around the plants instead of the space between the rows. I also got a good start on the collar of now-The-Emster's Jackaroo sweater. I really wish I'd made notes on the pattern about such things as what needle size I used to knit the thing. Urgh.
So without further ado, my list:
:: the cool morning air so I could weed without cooking in the sun
:: not too many mosquitos to contend with as I weeded
:: coffee :)
:: toasted tomato sandwiches for lunch
:: time to add new things to my Etsy shop
:: laundry hanging in the sun to dry

:: peace in the house, for a little while anyway
:: strawberry-rhubarb crisp
:: playing Scrabble with my son, using such words as "toy", "pine", "if" etc. There are professional Scrabble players getting sharp pains in their heads and they don't know why.

Farmstead Chef and Hedge-hog/bear Mittens

Joining Ginny today at Small Things blog for Yarnalong:

I found Farmstead Chef at my library on Saturday. I picked it up thinking it was a nice cookbook with a farming bent to it but when I got it home and started looking through it I quickly realized it was much more than that. John Ivanko and Lisa Kivirist include lots of recipes to make the most out of your kitchen garden produce but then peppered through are all sorts of little snippets to read. There are stories about foraging, advocating a backyard garden for all, building community through growing food and living a sustainable life. I'm looking forward to really digging into this book. Pun totally intended.

Knitting another mitten. Yup. Wish I had something new and exciting to report but time is short in my world these days and mittens are quick. I love knitting mittens though. I love them because they knit up quickly and I love their practicality and how nice hand-knit mittens look and feel. Every time I see someone with hand-knit mittens I automatically think "someone loves this person a lot". These mittens were going to become hedgehog mittens but I realized at one point that I should've started the moss-stitch to make them all hedge-hoggy sooner and was too lazy to rip them back and redo. So now they'll be bear mittens. Still cute I think. I also should've gone down a needle size but I love my wooden needles and going down a size would've meant metal needles and I just couldn't do it. I'm going to sneak down to my little corner of the house now and see if I can't get another few rows done on The Kirin shawl. It's a slow process to be sure.

Knitting is the thing to do at moments such as these.

There are times when I understand why tigers eat their young. My oldest child is at camp with his classmates for the next 4 days. I envisioned lots of quality time with the kid left behind but instead this evening has been nothing but mood swings and disagreements. Maybe the tigers are onto something....
After yet one more disagreement, this one about whether or not there would be chocolate chips in the cake she was baking (there would NOT be) I threw up my hands and escaped to the front stoop to stew about ungrateful children, chocolate chips and the feasibility of starting life anew in Mexico. I did calm down and so did she. This child of mine is a strong-willed, independent one and I know I should be grateful that she has a mind of her own and isn't easily swayed by her peers or anyone else but  it is exhausting some days to parent this situation with love and grace and wisdom.
I did come inside and pick up some knitting after a little while. Knitting is like meditation and yoga and a long, brisk walk all rolled into one when there's no way you can get away because your child has a cake in the oven and hasn't got a ton of experience checking for doneness but refuses help because SHE CAN DO IT HERSELF MOM. Knitting is the thing to do at moments such as these. It looks like you're engrossed in something and not paying attention to what they're doing when in reality you are totally tuned into what's going on and the only thing keeping you sane is the repetitive soothingness of knit and purl.
My oatmeal blanket was the thing I picked up. By the time I'm done knitting or purling 200 stitches I feel a little more rational about life in general.
Is there a project you gravitate towards when life is getting a little out of control and you need some serenity NOW?

Gardening, Sprinkler-jumping and Gratitudes

Joining Taryn today at Wooly Moss Roots for Gratitude Sunday...
I have spent a good chunk of this weekend puttering around in the garden weeding, mulching, planting, transplanting and the like. I don't think I've enjoyed my garden as much as I have this year. Things are growing and I have this feeling that it is really important this year that this garden be productive.
I'd so like to be home and not going to work but food costs money and these growing kids of mine need to have healthy food available to them and perhaps this garden will contribute significantly to that.

(part of my garden in the background behind the Em-ster leaping through the sprinkler)

On Saturday morning we went to the market and I bought a flat of Ontario strawberries, quarts of imported blueberries and raspberries (not my favourite choice but it'll be another month before local berries are available), leeks, spinach, the most gorgeous, delicious tomatoes, radishes and-much to the dismay of the aforementioned growing children-2 bunches of asparagus. I am in love with simple meals made from local ingredients right now.

As for my list of Gratitudes:
:: rain this weekend that broke the humidity, sent temperatures down to 15C and sent the mosquitos into hiding
:: gardening without being swarmed by mosquitos
:: farmer's markets and local vegetables. I particularly favour the stalls where the people taking your money have dirt under their nails and clearly picked the vegetables the day before.
:: Ontario strawberries-so so so good! and eating them out of hand because you know you can get more and don't have to ration them out.
:: mason jars around my house full of fresh-cut flowers from around my yard
:: long-hoped for good fortune coming our way
:: giving myself a night off from working and tucking into the new Taproot magazine
Wishing you all a peaceful week full of good food, cooperative children and time to follow your passions!

The Walk with my Jackaroo

Joining Ginny today at Small Things blog for Yarnalong:
Just wanted to nip in here to hang out with all you other knitters and readers :)
This week I finished The Indigo Notebook both in paper and audio format. Hearing someone read your book does add something nice to the experience I think. No wonder children love to be read to. I started The Walk by Richard Paul Evans the other day. It's an easy read as each chapter is only a few pages long. (So far) it's about a man who's wife has had an accident and becomes paralyzed and for some reason that I'm still waiting to find out about he goes on a cross-country journey. I read The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce a few months ago and found it so well written, also about a man who ups and walks away with a surprising twist to the story.

Still knitting away at the Jackaroo. I've begun on the neck now. By begun I mean I've picked up and knit 5 of the 12 stitches held for the right front with the back and left side still to do before I even look like I've begun. I imagine if I find a few solid hours here and there this weekend I'll have the neck done. That is so optimistic I can't help but smile at myself. There is a garden out there being overtaken by weeds, peas that need help to stay upright, children that need attention and did I mention the book I'm reading? All good stuff I enjoy doing at least.

We took to the woods

This past weekend my friend and I ran away from our families for a weekend of rest and relaxation at my cottage. We've both been feeling pretty run down by all the cooking, cleaning, arguing, working full-time and lack of sleep in our lives lately and booked this weekend months ago before the ice was even off the lake.
My cottage is quite remote and requires a drive to a tiny place called Ardbeg, Ontario which according to my friend's husband is the greatest place on earth. It's claim to fame is that it's a ghost town (at least until 2 more people move in then it will be whatever is smaller than a hamlet). It also has a restaurant/store/gas pump/take-out window/bar that makes some pretty great meals.
After a 4 mile hike in to where we pick up the boat complete with an almost-run-in with a bear we arrived at the cottage just as the sun dipped below the horizon and the mosquitos went from populous to blood-thirsty swarms. Why do I do this again??
The next morning after bacon, garlic toast, coffee and tea and some strawberries we sat out on the dock where we pretty much stayed all day and did absolutely nothing except talk and read and knit (that would be me only) and savoured the lack of our families. We love our children and husbands, don't misunderstand me but sometimes everyone needs a break to recharge. To look at things with a little more perspective and to gripe and complain until we're done and can say nice things again about the people we love.

I managed to finish knitting my second bigger mouse mitten. I even read some without feeling the need to jump up and "get something done". It was hard. The book I've been working on is called We Took to the Woods by Louise Dickinson Rich. It was written in 1942 and is Louise's accounts of life living in the bush with her husband and small son. I don't know where this book came from. A used book store maybe? Yard sale? Left by one of my brother's cottage guests when he/she was done reading it? The mystery is part of the charm I think.

(snackage, complete with Baileys and milk)

We cooked dinner to the sound of Grease, Bob Marley and Fleetwood Mac on the record player. There is something about records that is better than CDs and MP3 files.
I built this great one-match fire and of course there were s'mores.

If I could bottle the peace and quiet and rejuvenation of this past weekend I would sell it and become a millionaire.

Tell me, where do you go to find yourself again?

The Indigo Notebook and the omnipresent Kirin shawl

Joining Ginny today at Small Things blog for Yarnalong:

A few weekends ago when we drove up to the cottage I got The Indigo Notebook by Laura Resau out of the library on audiobook. I've found over the years that the secret to a good long car ride is audio books. We've tried all kinds of things-games, movies, me reading to them, crayons and colouring books and it all ended in a big mess, car-sickness or me going hoarse after 3 hours of reading. Then I thought well, reading worked the best but I can't read for 4 hours straight so I began on audiobooks. We've listened to all kinds of things from A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'engle to The Haymeadow by Gary Paulsen. I saw The Indigo Notebook in the library, figured out it was an adventure story and didn't read beyond that. After listening to it for 6 hours in the car I loved it so much I took the paper copy out of the library so I could finish the story. It's well-written and aimed at teenage girls I guess. The heroine is an intelligent, not-flaky, world-traveller who quotes Rumi and meets a 16 year old boy looking for his birth parents in Equador. I highly recommend it.

Still knitting on my Kirin shawl. Can you see the progress from row 17 of earlier posts to row 27? So far so good except for one missing stitch in the first half of this row. I think the problem is my star stitch. I think I'm knitting it wrong. I wish I had something new to show you knitting-wise but I haven't had a lot of time lately for knitting what with getting the garden planted on top of the usual day to day chores, my Etsy efforts and a new venture on the go. Life is busy!

The zen of weed-pulling and knitting button-bands

So, when I'm not knitting Jackaroo sweaters that fit my 9-almost-10 year old daughter

I can be found puttering in my vegetable garden. When we first moved from a townhouse, with a postage-stamp sized lot, to this house on a massive (for in the city) 1/4 acre lot I had all kinds of grand plans for big vegetable gardens. We fenced off and planted a garden the first year that due to lack of time and therefore lack of weeding was a dismal disappointment. Every year I begin again with new enthusiasm. I'm an incurable optimist you see. After last year's worst-ever gardening disaster I vowed this would be the year for vegetable success. And so far it's looking pretty good.

I am so very pleased with my tidy rows of potatoes, onions, lettuce and soon to be carrots and beans. My friend who is using a corner of our garden encourages me as I can't have my part of the garden blowing weed seeds into hers. That just doesn't seem right at all. This has nothing to do with my competitive side. Not at all. I can live in denial if I want to...
I find it almost meditative to go out there everyday and quietly pull weeds and help the peas to climb up the trellis and make sure the potatoes aren't being attacked by potato bugs. It's good for the soul and eventually will be good for our food budget especially with The Boy turning 13 at the end of the month.

(my herb bed with new parsley, basil and rosemary)

Now that my daughter's Jackaroo sweater is all sewn up I can move onto knitting the neckline and dealing with the problem of fastening the thing in the front. The pattern calls for i-cord worked up both sides with one side having gaps in the sewing for button holes. However due to my, ahem, lack of checking gauge, the sides are a bit too narrow for that and I'm going to have to come up with another solution. I'm thinking I'm going to need to knit ribbed button bands up both sides to widen it. I'd like to add a zipper rather than buttons. (my apologies to Amy Herzog. I suspect being a knitter she knows this sort of massacre to her beautiful pattern was going to happen anyway)
My daughter wants me to add a hood but I'm thinking I'm about done with this and I'd like it to end already. I'd like to see her wearing it so I can admire my mad knitting skills. Mostly I want closure so I can start another project guilt-free.