In my heart at least it is summer

I apologize for my silence this week. It has been so hard to find my voice and inspiration to post here with the unending cold and snow and blowing winds. It has been winter in these parts for 3 solid months and according to the long range forecast, will continue to be cold and snowy for the next 2 weeks. I am tired of chapped lips, cracked hands and bundling up against this weather. I am tired of fighting to get kids to play outside when I remember fighting to get them to come inside from April to November. Sigh.
In my heart it is summer. In my heart the sun shines warm on the green grass. In my heart the sound of birds wake me up each morning through my open window. In my heart I am lakeside, coffee in hand, watching little fish zip around under the water and there is bacon frying for breakfast (bacon and coffee feature alarmingly often in my dreamlife).

 If I just hold onto this place then maybe, just maybe I might be able to get through these last weeks of winter. Here's hoping anyway.

Adventures in Executive Functioning with Aspergians

So we took the kids up to my parents this weekend for an extended long weekend visit. We never do this but we let them have a day off school so we could actually do things when we got there. My parents live on the border of Muskoka and Parry Sound districts so imagine lots of trees, lots of rocks, lots of lakes and not many people. Beautiful and quiet and very different from our Southern Ontario home.

The Boy imagines himself as an Outdoorsman and being Aspergian this is his passion and what he lives and breathes. The trouble with him being 12 AND an Aspergian is that he thinks he knows everything there is to know about the outdoors. Granted he has a lot of knowledge gained from reading as many books as he can get his hands on and watching Youtube's collection of videos. The trouble is he's a little short on practical experience.
When we finally fell out of the car after 3 1/2 long hours he was raring to go and spend some time in the great outdoors. After strapping on 25 lbs of survival gear and struggling into snowshoes (because of the 25lbs of gear meant to save him weighing him down) he set off into the great white north. He left with orders from us to please just stay on the pile of snow on the side of the road and to please not go bush-wacking and please not get lost. I went inside, His Lordship set to work clearing the 4 feet of snow off my parents' roof and the Em-ster wandered off to play on a tree.
45 minutes later The Boy comes huffing and puffing back into the yard, covered in snow demanding to know why no one came to his whistles of SOS and did no one hear him and WHAT was the point of whistling SOS when NO ONE came to his rescue! Most of us said we hadn't heard him and then His Lordship says he heard him but decided there wasn't really that much trouble he could get into if he could be heard whistling. You'll notice this "relaxed" method of parenting from His Lordship as a bit of theme here.
It seems The Boy did do a bit of bushwacking and managed to end up up to his waist in snow and couldn't get out. You have to understand that he is not a great problem solver and often calls on us to fix things that he should be able to figure out. Things such as sorting out his blankets at night when he's gotten up to pee, getting his gloves from the other side of the room after he's put on his boots etc. Executive Functioning is not his strong suit and when he was first diagnosed I didn't quite understand what it meant and how it could be part of his diagnosis but as he gets older I am beginning to understand. It puts a name to his difficulty figuring out what comes first in solving a problem or how to get out of a sticky situation.
The point of my story is that while the exercise of snowshoeing and getting out to see and be in nature is important he probably learned more from being waist deep in snow and having to figure out for himself how to get out (without help) than anything else we did this weekend. I'm hoping it also showed him that being an Outdoorsman is about more than having 25lbs of survival gear on your back and involves common sense, problem-solving skills and a bit of experience. But I digress...

When the going gets tough, the tough make muffins

Our fridge was looking pretty empty this morning when we peered in trying to figure out what to send the kids to school with for lunch. This week we've been trying to stretch the food we have until we get paid next and can go grocery shopping. The last day is always the most...interesting. Usually I can come up with something that a dietician won't faint at the sight of but today we hit a new low. To my children's delight we packed them hot dogs. In my feeble defense there was a piece of whole-grain bread to wrap the hot dog in and an apple. Sigh. We do our best and sometimes that means hot dogs in lunches and you have to deal with your inner critic who tells you if you had just planned better you could've had a meal fit for the pages of Today's Parent magazine. If only the inner critic would get off her high horse and take a look at the family finances and remember that at least they went to school with something when there are parents out there who have nothing to send.

When I got home from work this afternoon I was faced with the same dilemna only I had time on my side. When the going gets tough, the tough make muffins. And this mom whipped up a batch of Lorna's Apple Muffins from my favourite old, battered copy of Muffin Mania. As a treat to my kids I only reduced the sugar a little bit and used the cream called for in the recipe instead of the healthier milk-alternative ;)

I'll take my Mom of the Year Award now please.
I would include a picture of the finished product but they were practically inhaled and now there are only the teeny, sad ones left.
We stopped at the grocery store on the way home from picking up His Lordship from work and the cupboards now contain more than crumbs and couscous. Tomorrow's lunches: cheese bread sandwiches with shaved roast beef and lettuce, greek yogurt tubs and bananas. Much better.

What real parenting looks like

So while my kids were tubing tonight:

(that blur in the middle ground may or may not be one of my children)
My mitten and I hung out in the "chalet" while His Lordship talked to all the other fathers who were also waiting.

(can you see the emptied Advil wrapper?? have you ever tried to wash down 2 Advil liqui-gels with a scalding cup of mint tea? Not easy, let me tell you!)

It's a school night and it's now 9:30pm and both kids are still up trying to wind down from an exciting day. I am nursing a pounding headache, wondering what on earth I am going to pack in lunches tomorrow when our cupboards are almost empty and payday isn't until tomorrow. Have you been there? I bet you have. This is what real parenting looks like. I would like to show you a picture of the fabulous healthy lunch I am going to pull out of some mysterious corner of my pantry all ready for times like these. I would like to be that person but I am  not (at least not today ;)). I'm ok with that though because I just took my kids tubing on a school night and they had a great time.

Family Day

It was Family Day yesterday in our neck of the woods. A long weekend in the middle of a long winter meant to break up the stretch from Christmas to Easter that seems to last forever and what you really need is a day off. Many thanks to Dalton McGuinty our former premier who made this happen. I could however do without the pressure of trying to make it a happy, memorable day full of family togetherness. I don't know about you but I find by Sunday evening I'm filled up with family togetherness

and would like a day of family separateness. Throw into the mix a child or children with disabilities or differing ablilities and you're into the realm of holding on for dear life! You are not alone if you met this third day of the weekend with a bit of trepidation wondering what to do and what everyone is expecting of this day.
Let go your preconcieved notions and listen to your gut parents! Family Day like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day is just another day in the week and don't let the world tell you that on this day of days you need to be achieving Family togetherness and harmony. Go with what your family needs. By Day 3 we all needed to be in different places. His Lordship went to his parents' house with our daughter who DID want to spend time with The Great Oma and I was at home with our son who DID NOT want to go and instead went sledding by himself and had a glorious time. And that's ok because everyone was happy and calm.
Our day began with our daughter calling names and making a fuss because she was hungry and breakfast was not cooking fast enough (keep in mind that she is 9). It was pretty unpleasant and did not make me want to spend any day, much less Family Day with her. The boy did feel the pressure to celebrate Family Day and was quite upset by how the day was going and how we were not gathered around the aforementioned table playing Settler's of Catan. I called a family meeting of sorts and we discussed how it's important to gauge the needs and moods of everyone and make a plan that will help everyone to have a good day despite what the calendar says. The Asperger inflexibility reared it's head and there was much gnashing of teeth. Once everyone expressed how they were feeling and he could see that it would not be fun we made a new plan. We gathered around the table a few hours later and enjoyed the beans and ham that had been baking all day in the oven, filling our house with such a fantastic, mouth-watering scent and he and I played game after game of Uno.
I did however, find time to knit on a sweater...

and a pair of mittens...

and a Holden Shawlette

Well actually I just looked at the Holden Shawlette and sighed because it needs to be frogged and the beautiful lace pattern started again :(

Asperger's Syndrome and Silliness

When this boy of mine was first diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome I was relieved to have a name to put to the laundry list of irregular behaviours I was witnessing and trying to deal with. Once the shock of realizing I had a kid with a diagnosis wore off I researched it like crazy. I read every book I could get my hands on, googled all sorts of behaviours and tried to work all the useful information I had unearthed into my parenting strategies and ignored the ones that didn't work. The one problem I could not find any information on was the silliness that was driving us crazy. Were we the only ones facing incurable silliness with our Aspergian? Was the silliness just part of his personality and not part of being an Aspergian?? My gut told me it had to be part of the diagnosis but why couldn't I find any information on how to deal with it? Fellow Aspergian parents: this post is for you!
Silliness in my experience and incredibly unprofessional opinion is part of the syndrome. Asperger's Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder and as the word "spectrum" suggests it is wide reaching and not every kid will have incurable silliness. My kid does, as does a number of other Asperger kids I have had a chance to spend time with.
My best advice to you is to do the following:
1. Figure out the reason behind it. There's always a reason. In my case it was anxiety over a new situation or something that was worrying him.
2. Address the reason. Ask him/her what their issue is. Just like that. You have to be very direct and speak plainly with your Aspergian. If they aren't sure suggest some things that you think might be the problem. Listen to your gut.
3. Brainstorm some solutions to the problem rather than them acting out in silliness. We've tried a venting journal, talking out how to act in new situations and what the schedule is for the new situation.
4. Make sure your child's teacher has a visual schedule up in the classroom somewhere and that someone is supporting your child with transitions.

5. Give your kid lots of time outside to do gross motor activites. It helps them to work off the extra energy, will give them a sense of self-confidence because chances are you're not reprimanding them as much outside if they're loud and jumpy. Let them ride bikes, climb, roll down a hill, run around.
6. Depending on your Aspergian's tolerance for touching and whether they're hyper or hypo-sensitive try some sensory activities. Squish them in the couch cushions, play jam sandwich between another adult, give them a bin full of rice to play in. It helps. Sometimes when my guy is all tense he asks me to lean on him and when I put as much weight as I can on his back or side I can feel him relaxing.
My son is now 12 1/2 and the silliness has almost stopped. You will probably find that it will take some time for the silliness to slow down but be persistent and your child will eventually come to you and go through whatever routine you have established for when something is on their minds. Routines are so important for these kids. I've said this before but listen to your gut. Parenting is part wisdom, part understanding and part intuition.There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise :)

(Dude in a straws and connectors plane he built one day. This silliness is the laugh-out-loud-feel-good kind-the kind you want :))

Live the Life you Want, Want the Life you Live

Life has been asking for a change lately and I've been pondering what form that change should take. What do I want in my life? There are layers to that questions that begin with the "practical" such as what can I realistically accomplish with this house, these kids and the money we currently have? Then once I work through that layer I delve into the "dreaming" layer that asks questions such as what do I want my life to look like? How do I see myself spending my days in my perfect world? What job would I do if I had all the choice in the world? One of my favourite websites is this one: mindbodygreen. Do you know it? If you haven't checked it out you should. It has gotten me through many a difficult day at work with their thought-provoking articles on mindfulness and tips for getting what you want out of life. So I made a list (when I should've been working) of what makes me happy and what I would like my perfect workplace to look like.

Pardon my chicken-scratch. Remember I was supposed to working ;) The second half is the list of things I should do to put this plan into action. It helped. A lot. What would your list look like? Remember it has to be on the "dreaming" level. Ask yourself how you can get there even if the steps are tiny.
You know I can't think of a go-to-the-office job out there that I would really like to have. I want to be in this house and be at home for these kids in the morning when they leave for school and in the afternoon when they come home. So how do you live the life you want when it seems so far from realistic? I guess one step at a time. From starting a blog to get ideas from people to opening an etsy shop selling the things you love to make. Pardon my shameless self-promotion but my shop is called Bubbaloo Bottoms, please check me out. http://www.etsy.com/shop/Bubbaloobottoms
Wanting the life you live is found in mindfulness I think.

The sights and sounds and small blessings of every day that you have to open your eyes and heart to in order to see them. Today I heard the birds singing as I went out to start the car. While waiting for the bus at the end of a miserable, soul-sucking day I heard the muffled silence of winter and not a cacophony of voices and music. A visitor to work brought valentine's day chocolate and a much-needed shoulder rub. What a blessing he is! When I add it all up there was much to be thankful for today. How 'bout a knitting picture? and the book I'm reading?

In Praise of "Meets the Minimum Standard"

It is report card season in our neck of the woods. As the mother of one kid with Asperger's Syndrome and another kid with a suspected diagnoses not yet diagnosed my definition of a "good" report card may be somewhat different from the rest of the population. My apologies to the teaching profession but when I see "meets the minimum standard" either represented as a 3 on a rubric or a B on a report card I am thrilled. They've met the provincial average! Hallelujah! all that work and they've done it. Sure I'd love to see 4's or A's or what-have-you but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. When you are a kid and you struggle to make sense of what a teacher is asking you do, in a classroom with SO MANY distractions and you struggle with why this should matter to you in the first place meeting the minimum is monumental.
Don't be fooled, dear reader, into thinking that we are resting on our laurels here at the Threadin' Yarns household now that the reports are out and looking good. No. There will more pouring over of the comments and suggestions contained within and the figuring out of how to get the Aspergian to organize locker and binder and what to do about the kid who struggles with "showing her work". Tell me, what works for you in these areas??
While I figure that out how about some sewing and knitting pictures for you?

This would be "That Weasley Girl" sweater in Patons Classic Wool, colourway "currant" although it looks more like a warm coral to me.

My scrappy quilt. It's intended to solve the perpetual blanket shortage at the cottage and is sewn with 3.5" squares, 15 squares to a row. It needs 7 more rows, then it can finally be done. I think we're on year 3, this quilt of mine.
So now that i've figured out how to add pictures, stay tuned folks.