Friends of ours are pregnant with their first child. My feelings upon hearing this news were surprisingly mixed. At first I thought "that's so great" because I love babies and I have a hankering to hold one. Then I thought "Wow are they in for a ride!" because parenting is no easy gig. Rewarding yes, but not easy.
I was trying to think what I would give them as a gift and quickly dismissed the usual onesies, sleepers and toys. They'll get all that from doting relatives and friends. I remember when my own children were small that we didn't have much extra money and I only bought 2 toys for them until they were 3. I also remember depending on birthday and Christmas gifts to fill their closets with what they needed for clothing. Thrift shops were even out of the question, we were so tight for money. While it was hard in those early years I don't think my children wanted for anything. They had a few toys that we rotated, plenty of books and enough clothing to get through the season. What we did receive was very much appreciated and well looked after. So from my perspective, what to give as a meaningful gift that would be truly appreciated? This is what I've come up with so far:
A blank book and a pen-for recording firsts, memories and little stories. My mother in law has filled 2 blank books with stories of her days with my son when he was small. I have books filled with odds and ends that I love to revisit. There are things in there that I would never have remembered if I hadn't taken 2 bleary-eyed moments to write down.
Parenting books-my favourites are The Baby Book by Dr. Bill Sears. Everything from the value of attachment parenting to what Fifth's Disease looks like. Also Raising Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice by Sarah Chana Radcliffe. I've read a lot of great parenting books and this one worked the best for us. Kids are Worth It by the great Barbara Colorosa. It's never too early to start talking about rules and discipline with your significant other.
Kleenex-I always seem to be running out of it at the worst moments!
Coupons for a year's worth of free babysitting-new parents get so caught up in looking after the new person in their life that they forget to look after their relationship. Never mind the cost of a babysitter when you're down to maternity leave pay and one income.
What would you give a new parent that you yourself would have appreciated as a new parent?? What do you wish someone had told you when your first baby showed up on the scene?
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Snowshoeing in Rosseau
This past weekend we went up to my parents' house in Rosseau to drop The Boy off for the week. It's March Break in our neck of the woods and he had arranged months ago to spend the week with them. The weather was beautiful-bright and sunny and not stupid cold. I borrowed some snowshoes from work so we could do some bush-wacking.
The Em-ster was all excited to try them out but the timing of our first attempt was bad. She had just gotten into trouble with her Dad for bothering her brother. We call it "poking the bear" or instigating. If she doesn't have anything else to do she'll find him and do whatever she can to get a response. All the better if it's a full-on losing of his cool. Having just arrived after almost 4 long hours in the car I was not paying attention to what was going on and when I clued in was really just hoping it would stop on it's own. I'm an optimist you see and tired. Fat chance. Anyway, by the time she'd gotten an earful from her dad she was pretty upset. Not a good time to try new things. Lesson learned. It was one of those times where I could see it coming a mile away but was hoping the distraction of these snowshoes would be enough to set her to rights again but I should've known better. Distractions do not work with this child of mine when she is in an oppositional mood. IF she has ADHD, which I strongly suspect she does then Oppositional Defiant Disorder would be her co-morbid. This of course is my extremely unprofessional opinion!
Needless to say the first attempt resulted in a melt down and everyone giving up and going inside. Sometimes you just have to know when to give up.
The next morning after a sleep and some breakfast she said to me "Can we try the snowshoeing again? I think I understand now how they work and I want to try." That's my girl. And try again we did. Just her and I and it was lovely to be there together.
Sometimes that's what we all need-the chance to try again after some sleep and bacon.
The Em-ster was all excited to try them out but the timing of our first attempt was bad. She had just gotten into trouble with her Dad for bothering her brother. We call it "poking the bear" or instigating. If she doesn't have anything else to do she'll find him and do whatever she can to get a response. All the better if it's a full-on losing of his cool. Having just arrived after almost 4 long hours in the car I was not paying attention to what was going on and when I clued in was really just hoping it would stop on it's own. I'm an optimist you see and tired. Fat chance. Anyway, by the time she'd gotten an earful from her dad she was pretty upset. Not a good time to try new things. Lesson learned. It was one of those times where I could see it coming a mile away but was hoping the distraction of these snowshoes would be enough to set her to rights again but I should've known better. Distractions do not work with this child of mine when she is in an oppositional mood. IF she has ADHD, which I strongly suspect she does then Oppositional Defiant Disorder would be her co-morbid. This of course is my extremely unprofessional opinion!
Needless to say the first attempt resulted in a melt down and everyone giving up and going inside. Sometimes you just have to know when to give up.
The next morning after a sleep and some breakfast she said to me "Can we try the snowshoeing again? I think I understand now how they work and I want to try." That's my girl. And try again we did. Just her and I and it was lovely to be there together.
Sometimes that's what we all need-the chance to try again after some sleep and bacon.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Let's talk about money shall we?
I just sat down to get a handle on the family finances for this coming payperiod and it seems we'll be alright. Over the past several months I've taken a real interest in our budget after almost 14 years of leaving it to His Lordship. It just seemed easier and less overwhelming to let him deal with it all. Ostrich with her head in the sand? Yup that was me. Not very responsible or grown up but I just couldn't handle seeing how things actually were.
After reading countless books on how to manage family finances I decided it was time to try it for myself. Wow. What an eye opener. Do you know we bought 18 bottles of laundry soap last year? and we've been buying the super expensive, scent-free, environmentally friendly kind. Ouch. It's the little everyday decisions that really add up.
Beyond making a budget and meal-planning and grocery lists I learned a few lessons between the lines of all those books. One of the best ones I read although I didn't realize it at the time was Peace and Plenty by Sarah Ban Breathnach, the author of Simple Abundance.
(Does this photo look familiar?)
She shares her story of financial success and subsequent down-ward spiral after Simple Abundance became a best seller. One of the best concepts I got from that book was that money is precious and almost like a living thing. If you want it to stay in your life you need to treat it well and with respect. In other words: spend mindfully.
Another book I read taught me to regard every cent as valuable. Look at the actual amount of income and expenses instead of just rounding up or down to make the math easier. Take those extra cents and put them in a jar. They will eventually add up to something significant. We once paid for a steak dinner out of our change jar. Mind you, we couldn't go back to that restaurant for awhile after leaving $100 in rolled change to pay the bill but it was well worth it!
We work really hard to live within our means. We hardly ever eat out, we don't have tv and we often have to say no to each other when someone wants something. But that's just how it is. We also don't have any debt except our car and mortgage.
I think we live a simpler and less stressful life because we don't have a lot of extra money in our lives. There's a lot of front-stoop-sittin' that goes on in the summer and lots of game-playing and reading that goes on in the winter. We almost always eat dinner as a family at home and our summer holidays are spent at our family cottage where the only extra expense is the gas to get there. It's not a bad life ;)
After reading countless books on how to manage family finances I decided it was time to try it for myself. Wow. What an eye opener. Do you know we bought 18 bottles of laundry soap last year? and we've been buying the super expensive, scent-free, environmentally friendly kind. Ouch. It's the little everyday decisions that really add up.
Beyond making a budget and meal-planning and grocery lists I learned a few lessons between the lines of all those books. One of the best ones I read although I didn't realize it at the time was Peace and Plenty by Sarah Ban Breathnach, the author of Simple Abundance.
She shares her story of financial success and subsequent down-ward spiral after Simple Abundance became a best seller. One of the best concepts I got from that book was that money is precious and almost like a living thing. If you want it to stay in your life you need to treat it well and with respect. In other words: spend mindfully.
Another book I read taught me to regard every cent as valuable. Look at the actual amount of income and expenses instead of just rounding up or down to make the math easier. Take those extra cents and put them in a jar. They will eventually add up to something significant. We once paid for a steak dinner out of our change jar. Mind you, we couldn't go back to that restaurant for awhile after leaving $100 in rolled change to pay the bill but it was well worth it!
We work really hard to live within our means. We hardly ever eat out, we don't have tv and we often have to say no to each other when someone wants something. But that's just how it is. We also don't have any debt except our car and mortgage.
I think we live a simpler and less stressful life because we don't have a lot of extra money in our lives. There's a lot of front-stoop-sittin' that goes on in the summer and lots of game-playing and reading that goes on in the winter. We almost always eat dinner as a family at home and our summer holidays are spent at our family cottage where the only extra expense is the gas to get there. It's not a bad life ;)
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Do you live hour by hour or day by day?
I had a great conversation tonight with my neighbour who is the mom of an 8 year old and a 15 year old and works full time as well. We compare notes on the rare occasion when we're both not running someone somewhere or trying to get the laundry done or trying to squeeze 2 mins in to do whatever thing it is we do to relax. Tonight I found myself in her kitchen getting instructions on caring for their cat while they went on a family March Break trip and the topic of day by day or hour by hour came up. I definitely know I am now just dealing day by day. My main thoughts are normally about what on earth I am going to pack for lunches, making sure the Emster is on task with her homework and not distracted and getting the dishes washed so our house will not smell like fried onions the next day. I must look to the outside world like the most disorganized parent, always late with permission forms for field trips and cheques for just about everything. But really I am just trying to get by each day making sure everyone is fed, clothed and the most important of tasks are done. It feels like survival parenting most days. I have a list a mile long of Shoulds but there is no way they are getting done and I am getting very good at prioritizing!
My neighbour told me she lives very much hour by hour. With so much going on and people needing so much from her plus her own needs it's how she gets by she says. My neighbour is a loving mother with 2 well adjusted children (at least from my side of the street anyway ;)) so she must be doing something right. But I know we both face the same time challenges. You want to do so much for your kids but there are only 24 hours in a day and you have to sleep 7-8 of them. Something's gotta give.
The whole conversation began when her husband showed me a picture of our daughters together shortly after we moved to our house. They were 4 and 5 then and now they're 8 and 9 and their older daughter is now 15. I mentioned university and driving and she said she's no where near that place in her head yet. Day by day?? forget it! How about hour by hour?! I can understand that. The Boy is off to high school the year after next but I can't begin to think about that when we're still trying to figure out Grade 7.
I do know that more important than permission slips, cheques for end of year trips and lunches is time at the end of the day with these kids. Time to discuss their highlights and lowlights and time to listen to their worries and what they're excited about. Even homework can wait.
My neighbour told me she lives very much hour by hour. With so much going on and people needing so much from her plus her own needs it's how she gets by she says. My neighbour is a loving mother with 2 well adjusted children (at least from my side of the street anyway ;)) so she must be doing something right. But I know we both face the same time challenges. You want to do so much for your kids but there are only 24 hours in a day and you have to sleep 7-8 of them. Something's gotta give.
The whole conversation began when her husband showed me a picture of our daughters together shortly after we moved to our house. They were 4 and 5 then and now they're 8 and 9 and their older daughter is now 15. I mentioned university and driving and she said she's no where near that place in her head yet. Day by day?? forget it! How about hour by hour?! I can understand that. The Boy is off to high school the year after next but I can't begin to think about that when we're still trying to figure out Grade 7.
I do know that more important than permission slips, cheques for end of year trips and lunches is time at the end of the day with these kids. Time to discuss their highlights and lowlights and time to listen to their worries and what they're excited about. Even homework can wait.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
ups and downs
It has been a week of ups and downs my friends.
On the up side:
1. I finally sewed up and washed my stripy mittens that have been 3 months in the making. This is a sure sign that spring will finally come now that I have 2 pairs of mittens off the needles.
2. Last night I stumbled across a pattern for a 1 hour crocheted cowl and being one who loves a challenge I began...at 10pm. The pattern called for thick wool and all I had was bright, shocking fuchsia. I crocheted like crazy and sure enough 1 hour later I had me a cowl!
(I'm thinking I should steal 2 buttons like the top button off another sweater I knit so I'm all matchy)
3. My house is clean again :)
4. I made a most fabulous lasagna with 4 different vegetables crammed into it and served it with a side salad to make sure everyone had their 5 servings of fruits of vegetables.
And on the downside:
1. I am exhausted.
2. My beautiful "That Weasley Girl" sweater I was knitting for the Em-ster? It's too (sob) small. I even knit a gauge swatch and I never knit gauge swatches because I hate knitting gauge swatches and it's still too (sob) small. But being me, and unable to not complete anything I've started, I will finish it and then start a new one 4 sizes bigger than the pattern and my gauge swatch say it should be because I don't think I can handle this kind of disappointment and waste of knitting energy twice.
3. There has not been much in the way of peace between The Boy and the Em-ster this week. That is exhausting too.
4. I turned down a job I was really excited about but didn't pay enough to keep this growing family in groceries and hydro. Sigh.
Downside #3 was probably the hardest to deal with this week. The sibling rivalry and arguing in this house is constant it seems. I've never seen 2 children so unable to get along and so willing to find ways to drive each other absolutely crazy. The Boy will stick his face in her face and make the most irritating noises until she loses it. The Em-ster will sneak into his room and take little things that don't mean much but drive him crazy because he knows she's been in there. There are days they can't even eat dinner at the same table because the fighting is so intense.
(a rare moment of peace)
Tell me-what do you do to foster peace between siblings in your house? How do you parent two kids who are hell-bent on driving each other crazy? And what about the neuro-typical kid who perhaps has a chip on her shoulder about her brother, the Aspergian?
In the meantime-off to bed, the two of them!!
On the up side:
1. I finally sewed up and washed my stripy mittens that have been 3 months in the making. This is a sure sign that spring will finally come now that I have 2 pairs of mittens off the needles.
(my apologies for the less-than-fantastic photos-the mittens are drying on this old towel and it's 9:30pm)
2. Last night I stumbled across a pattern for a 1 hour crocheted cowl and being one who loves a challenge I began...at 10pm. The pattern called for thick wool and all I had was bright, shocking fuchsia. I crocheted like crazy and sure enough 1 hour later I had me a cowl!
3. My house is clean again :)
4. I made a most fabulous lasagna with 4 different vegetables crammed into it and served it with a side salad to make sure everyone had their 5 servings of fruits of vegetables.
And on the downside:
1. I am exhausted.
2. My beautiful "That Weasley Girl" sweater I was knitting for the Em-ster? It's too (sob) small. I even knit a gauge swatch and I never knit gauge swatches because I hate knitting gauge swatches and it's still too (sob) small. But being me, and unable to not complete anything I've started, I will finish it and then start a new one 4 sizes bigger than the pattern and my gauge swatch say it should be because I don't think I can handle this kind of disappointment and waste of knitting energy twice.
3. There has not been much in the way of peace between The Boy and the Em-ster this week. That is exhausting too.
4. I turned down a job I was really excited about but didn't pay enough to keep this growing family in groceries and hydro. Sigh.
Downside #3 was probably the hardest to deal with this week. The sibling rivalry and arguing in this house is constant it seems. I've never seen 2 children so unable to get along and so willing to find ways to drive each other absolutely crazy. The Boy will stick his face in her face and make the most irritating noises until she loses it. The Em-ster will sneak into his room and take little things that don't mean much but drive him crazy because he knows she's been in there. There are days they can't even eat dinner at the same table because the fighting is so intense.
Tell me-what do you do to foster peace between siblings in your house? How do you parent two kids who are hell-bent on driving each other crazy? And what about the neuro-typical kid who perhaps has a chip on her shoulder about her brother, the Aspergian?
In the meantime-off to bed, the two of them!!
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