Does it always have to be about money???

I'll warn you now, this is going to be a bit of rant. Remember: you were warned ;)
Being March and all, Grade 8 parents everywhere are preparing for graduation in June. Grad photos have been taken and ordered for my son and the first post on Facebook about the search for a dress appeared yesterday. A part of me snapped a little this morning when I heard about this because I know what's coming: the perfect dress/shoes/jewellery, up-dos, parties and make-up. Someone will order a limo to take the proud graduate to the ceremony. And over the top it will go.
I feel like the Lorax right now standing on my tree stump yelling "Won't someone think of the trees?" but in my case I will be the lone parent yelling from atop my reusable shopping bin "Does it always have to be about the money??"
WHY... does everything end up being an excuse to spend large amounts of money on things kids don't need??? The average 13 year old does not need a designer dress and shoes to graduate from public school. The average 13 year old does not need her nails done.
Why are we teaching our children that the most important part of the fact that they have successfully completed public school is that they must look good, must look like a model to do so?

In our house I am celebrating the fact that this boy who could barely make it through a day of school without a parent being called at the age of 6 has completed all the requirements of our public school system to graduate with his friends and go onto high school.
What a momentous achievement for this Aspergian!
I am celebrating the fact that he understands now what is expected of him in a classroom and can meet those expectations.
I am celebrating how well he has learned to self-advocate for his needs in a (mostly) polite and appropriate way.
I am so proud of this boy and all he has achieved, the marks he has earned, the friends he has made and the connections with the adults in his school life that he has forged. Incredible.

And none of this has anything to do with how much money I choose to spend on his graduation from Grade 8. Because, although it is momentous it is also only grade 8.
It's important to keep this in perspective.
As parents lets keep the focus on learning, celebrating hard work, growing up and marking the passing of a milestone. Not on how nice your daughter's nails look or the label inside your son's shirt.
But I digress...

Won't somebody buy me a ball winder and swift??

Plans at our house changed at the last minute this morning after someone-who-will-remain-nameless had an Asperger melt-down. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow so instead of going to Scout day camp we stayed at home and had a quiet day of puttering and whatnot.

(I will never understand why the people who owned the house before us installed a white floor)

(Can you believe that pile of leaves from our street?)

I'm happily knitting many mittens these days and the Etsy shop is going well. I am so grateful for the orders and the interest people are showing in my knitting. But Christmas knitting is looming large in my brain as well and in particular, one vest that will be knitted and given as a gift. I don't freely knit things for everyone. The lucky person has to be someone who will appreciate all the time and work that goes into a knitted thing. And if I'm going to knit something I'd prefer to knit it out of natural fibres so this person also has to appear willing to properly care for the thing I knit.
Hence I found myself spending this free day winding an enormous hank of alpaca/corriedale wool into balls.

As charming as the old rocking chair is to use to hold that hank it sure would be easier if I just had a ball winder and swift. Sigh. Janis Joplin may have wanted a mercedes benz but my plea is for a ball winder and swift. Maybe for Christmas...

The wool came back from Australia with my brother a few years ago and has been languishing in my "good wool" box since. It's soft and slightly hairy thanks to the Alpaca content. I'm hoping to use it to knit the Freeport vest from The Brown Stitch. I'd like to knit the stripes in a cranberry colour maybe. And since no knitter can leave a pattern alone, I'm going to knit mine with buttons down the front instead of the single toggle. 

I'm excited to knit something new and especially out of this wool!

Transitions, Knitted Socks and Pixie Cuts

The Boy returned home to us yesterday from 4 days at his grandparents' house in the woods. He helped Grandpa fix a roof, went on a 2 hour cruise of Georgian Bay and learned that too much coffee feels really bad. 13 is an interesting age.

Today was a day of transition for him. We met with the school guidance counsellor as we do every year before school begins to go over who his teachers will be, how his schedule will look and to answer any questions he has. Mostly it will be much the same as last year as far as schedule and teachers go. The difference being this is Grade 8 and everybody is focussed on getting him ready for high school next year. Deep breath...here we go.

At home he is trying to deal with transitioning from summer to school time. It's been a difficult day with lots of acting up in the form of provoking his sister and angry outbursts directed at me. We got through it though. I've learned not to react to this behaviour and to maintain an even keel as much as possible.
The Em-ster had her hair cut at an actual hair dressers today. I've cut her hair myself since the beginning but this time she wanted a pixie cut and there was no way I was going to attempt that! It was the best $20 I spent all day. The cut looks great and she's happy. I admire her courage to let someone cut off all her hair and to look like someone completely different. She has hutzspah that's for sure!

I finished knitting the 2nd little sock to match the pair I wrote about the other day. So cute! I have to redo the Kitchner stitch I used to close the toe on the first one and then it's done. I also finished knitting another pair of animal mittens. I'm hoping to get some knitting time in this weekend to knit up some ears for the mouse mittens and find a pattern for bear ears. I'll post pics as soon as I have a pair done.

Knittin' and Road-Trippin'

Today was road-trip day. We had to take the boy up to Scout camp at the Haliburton Scout Reserve which is a bum-numbing 700 km round trip. The scenery is beautiful once you get off the main highway but 80kms of nothing but trees and rocks loses it's novelty after awhile.

The Scout troop he belongs to is so well-organized (at least from this parent's point of view) and the leaders are great at, well, leading these kids. While my husband went off to talk to the leaders I got a chance to watch how my Aspergian interacts with kids other than his usual friends. He does alright I must say and seems to fit in pretty well, joking and talking to the kids and looking relaxed and happy. I think he'll have a good time.
The trip back was quiet-just my husband and me and no one nattering on in the backseat. That kid can talk! We stopped for ice cream at the Thornton Ice Cream Parlour. I don't know too many ice cream parlours around and this is one I remember stopping at when I was a kid. It's in a tiny little place called, appropriately enough, Thornton.
We stopped again for an early poutine dinner at a little place tucked in a nook on a tiny street in Orangeville. You've got to love french fries drowning in gravy with cheese curds!
 It's nice to drive in peace and quiet and stop when you want to or just keep going.

For car knitting I brought along a big ball of possibly alpaca wool that my friend picked up for me in Peru. There was a bit of a language barrier when she bought it so she's not 100% sure it's alpaca. It's not hairy like alpaca usually is but it feels lovely and smells like natural fibres as opposed to acrylic.
I have Betsy Lee McCarthy's book Knit Socks! and I decided to give her Diamonds and Cables pattern a go with this possibly-alpaca wool and a pair of US 2/ 2.75mm dpns. I hate hate hate knitting a gauge swatch and instead just grab the needles I think will work and start knitting. If I like the tension I'm getting I keep going, if not I rip it out and start again with new needles. This is how I roll. I tell myself this method takes just as long as knitting a gauge swatch and if I guess right I'm ahead of the game and have a bunch of sock knitted instead of a useless piece of square knitting. So having said all that and knowing that many of you are cringing and getting all knotty in the stomach at my brazen ways I knit the ribbing and started on the pattern and figured out the needles were way too big for this fine wool. And of course I hadn't brought along other needles, I was feeling so confident.
The pride before the fall.
But fear not!! There is a knitting store in Haliburton where I picked up not new needles but a whole new ball of sock wool! My logic might be slightly skewed but keep in mind I'd been looking at rocks and trees for 100kms by then and it was 29C outside and our car is not air conditioned.

Isn't that a great colour??

The wool is from Nova yarns. It's called Nova Value Collection Sock Print and is 75% superwash wool and 25% nylon.

And this is the new sock I knitted. I think the needles are still too big and I'm going to rip it out again and try once more with 2.5mm dpns and see if that tightens things up. 

Once I get the needles and tension thing all sorted out I'll be ready for next Saturday when we do this all over again to pick him up. Maybe I'll have a whole pair done to show you after 9 hours in the car and 700kms! Knit on zen mother!

Maybe ADHD?

When I was at home with The Boy after the Em-ster was born it was a challenge. That's putting it lightly. He was so active and so prone to melt downs and into EVERYTHING.

It was exhausting. By the time he began going to kindergarten we had it more or less under control or at least were used to our "normal". His teachers could all see that something was up and put into practice all the strategies they had at their disposal and helped to get him a psychological assessment. By the time he was in Grade 1 we had a name for his collection of symptoms: Asperger's Syndrome. Looking back 6 1/2 years later it all seemed to fall into place so nicely. At 12 1/2 The Boy is fairly calm, able to self-advocate and is pretty easy to deal with. Now that we've got him all sorted out it seems it's his sister's turn.
I thought I would share with you today my journey thus far with our second child. All seemed to be going along smoothly until this year. This year we started to see an escalation in melt downs, mood swings and trouble sleeping. At school she dazes off, has trouble finishing her work and is bouncy. It's been a stressful year for all of us and I thought it was just a compatibility problem with the teacher but after several meetings with her teacher and one with the principal it seems that's not it. It seems there's something else going on there. Like all good mothers I of course turned to my friend Google and began researching her symptoms. I began Googling all the syndromes that might explain why she behaves the way she does. I started with Asperger's but that didn't fit. I tried Bipolar Disorder, also no. Then I tried ADHD. Wow. That felt like the right fit. I researched further, took out books from the library and read everything I could. They describe her to a tee. Especially the emotional side of the disorder that I had no idea existed. I just knew about the fidgety-inattentive side. I am taking it all with a grain of salt because we don't have a diagnosis and I don't want to head in a direction of thinking in case I'm wrong. I know my girl very well though. The tact I'm taking is that information is power and if I follow some of the suggestions in these books it's not likely to hurt. Especially the ones that tell me I need to be especially calm, cool and collected with her. That I need to be aware of how situations affect her such as a trip to the grocery store or library. There are a lot of choices in these places and a lot of distractions to overwhelm her. I know that long car trips without breaks are agonizing for her and so I make sure we stop a few times. Stuff like that.

                                                     (We all have skills-this is hers ;))
This is what I know and do so far. I hope hearing about my journey will help you with your journey. On Friday I have an appointment with our family doctor to see what the first step is to get an assessment.

Adventures in Executive Functioning with Aspergians

So we took the kids up to my parents this weekend for an extended long weekend visit. We never do this but we let them have a day off school so we could actually do things when we got there. My parents live on the border of Muskoka and Parry Sound districts so imagine lots of trees, lots of rocks, lots of lakes and not many people. Beautiful and quiet and very different from our Southern Ontario home.

The Boy imagines himself as an Outdoorsman and being Aspergian this is his passion and what he lives and breathes. The trouble with him being 12 AND an Aspergian is that he thinks he knows everything there is to know about the outdoors. Granted he has a lot of knowledge gained from reading as many books as he can get his hands on and watching Youtube's collection of videos. The trouble is he's a little short on practical experience.
When we finally fell out of the car after 3 1/2 long hours he was raring to go and spend some time in the great outdoors. After strapping on 25 lbs of survival gear and struggling into snowshoes (because of the 25lbs of gear meant to save him weighing him down) he set off into the great white north. He left with orders from us to please just stay on the pile of snow on the side of the road and to please not go bush-wacking and please not get lost. I went inside, His Lordship set to work clearing the 4 feet of snow off my parents' roof and the Em-ster wandered off to play on a tree.
45 minutes later The Boy comes huffing and puffing back into the yard, covered in snow demanding to know why no one came to his whistles of SOS and did no one hear him and WHAT was the point of whistling SOS when NO ONE came to his rescue! Most of us said we hadn't heard him and then His Lordship says he heard him but decided there wasn't really that much trouble he could get into if he could be heard whistling. You'll notice this "relaxed" method of parenting from His Lordship as a bit of theme here.
It seems The Boy did do a bit of bushwacking and managed to end up up to his waist in snow and couldn't get out. You have to understand that he is not a great problem solver and often calls on us to fix things that he should be able to figure out. Things such as sorting out his blankets at night when he's gotten up to pee, getting his gloves from the other side of the room after he's put on his boots etc. Executive Functioning is not his strong suit and when he was first diagnosed I didn't quite understand what it meant and how it could be part of his diagnosis but as he gets older I am beginning to understand. It puts a name to his difficulty figuring out what comes first in solving a problem or how to get out of a sticky situation.
The point of my story is that while the exercise of snowshoeing and getting out to see and be in nature is important he probably learned more from being waist deep in snow and having to figure out for himself how to get out (without help) than anything else we did this weekend. I'm hoping it also showed him that being an Outdoorsman is about more than having 25lbs of survival gear on your back and involves common sense, problem-solving skills and a bit of experience. But I digress...

Asperger's Syndrome and Silliness

When this boy of mine was first diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome I was relieved to have a name to put to the laundry list of irregular behaviours I was witnessing and trying to deal with. Once the shock of realizing I had a kid with a diagnosis wore off I researched it like crazy. I read every book I could get my hands on, googled all sorts of behaviours and tried to work all the useful information I had unearthed into my parenting strategies and ignored the ones that didn't work. The one problem I could not find any information on was the silliness that was driving us crazy. Were we the only ones facing incurable silliness with our Aspergian? Was the silliness just part of his personality and not part of being an Aspergian?? My gut told me it had to be part of the diagnosis but why couldn't I find any information on how to deal with it? Fellow Aspergian parents: this post is for you!
Silliness in my experience and incredibly unprofessional opinion is part of the syndrome. Asperger's Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder and as the word "spectrum" suggests it is wide reaching and not every kid will have incurable silliness. My kid does, as does a number of other Asperger kids I have had a chance to spend time with.
My best advice to you is to do the following:
1. Figure out the reason behind it. There's always a reason. In my case it was anxiety over a new situation or something that was worrying him.
2. Address the reason. Ask him/her what their issue is. Just like that. You have to be very direct and speak plainly with your Aspergian. If they aren't sure suggest some things that you think might be the problem. Listen to your gut.
3. Brainstorm some solutions to the problem rather than them acting out in silliness. We've tried a venting journal, talking out how to act in new situations and what the schedule is for the new situation.
4. Make sure your child's teacher has a visual schedule up in the classroom somewhere and that someone is supporting your child with transitions.

5. Give your kid lots of time outside to do gross motor activites. It helps them to work off the extra energy, will give them a sense of self-confidence because chances are you're not reprimanding them as much outside if they're loud and jumpy. Let them ride bikes, climb, roll down a hill, run around.
6. Depending on your Aspergian's tolerance for touching and whether they're hyper or hypo-sensitive try some sensory activities. Squish them in the couch cushions, play jam sandwich between another adult, give them a bin full of rice to play in. It helps. Sometimes when my guy is all tense he asks me to lean on him and when I put as much weight as I can on his back or side I can feel him relaxing.
My son is now 12 1/2 and the silliness has almost stopped. You will probably find that it will take some time for the silliness to slow down but be persistent and your child will eventually come to you and go through whatever routine you have established for when something is on their minds. Routines are so important for these kids. I've said this before but listen to your gut. Parenting is part wisdom, part understanding and part intuition.There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise :)

(Dude in a straws and connectors plane he built one day. This silliness is the laugh-out-loud-feel-good kind-the kind you want :))